I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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