the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
