I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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