I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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