so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
