yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
