AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize