No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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