Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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