bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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