Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He shit in the fireplace
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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