i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
