whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
