did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
