Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
