I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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