i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize