K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
