it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
