people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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