If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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