Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
