...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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