I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
