Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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