Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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