Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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