Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
