There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
