I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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