I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
