The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
