I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
