For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
