my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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