I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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