You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
