So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
