the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
