He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
