dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
