i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize