I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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