The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i've created a new STD.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
