Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
