as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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