thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
