Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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