you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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