What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
