I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
