i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
