you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
