There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
