Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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