Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
