he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
