woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
